the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
