I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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