A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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