I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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