I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
where are my eyebrows?
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