The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Randomize
