Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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