He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Your tits are I can't wait for
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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