Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
