i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
