Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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