p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
