I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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