my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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