it hurts more in the daytime
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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