i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
