he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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