Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Thank you for not boning my boss.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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