First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
