im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
