I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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