On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize