I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
