I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
