I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize