Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
