Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
