So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Pooping to opera.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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