community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
