i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
