false alarm. still invincible.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
