I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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