halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
