Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
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