The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
