There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
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