Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
