We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
