So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
