I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
