Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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