In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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