TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
