Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
