Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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