Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
