Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
