scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
