Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
