Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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