How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
