I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
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