if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
