Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
