If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Randomize
