Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
