My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Randomize
