1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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