i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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