chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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