I'm jealous of your bromance
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize