I want to have your abortion
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize