I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
