we have pet lesbian snakes
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
