And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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