She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
