Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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