all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
