Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
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